Saturday, December 6, 2008

Welcome to the USSA

Welcome to the USSA
(United Socialist States of America)

To become a citizen put your mark of indenture on the loan bailout application below and prepare for a new life of Soviet style luxury!

The fiscally responsible need not apply.

Any person from this point onward found to have personal savings in an amount greater than 1 months estimated living expenses shall be faced with confiscation of excess funds and sentenced to mandatory re-education. Confiscated funds will be redistributed to the needy and more deserving among us such as Ford Motor Company, General Motors, etc…, so that they may continue to build state of the art vehicles for the United Socialist Peoples of America. This will guarantee the Manufacturers future ability to demand appropriately high prices for the large SUVs so desperately needed by the proletariat I mean citizen.

The resulting transactions will further guarantee the ability of banks to function normally offering generous financing to those of you who can barely afford it for the purchase of things you don’t need and can, in all reasonable circumstances, live without.

Welcome to the dawn of the new Peoples Paradise, where workers will be rewarded for servitude with a roof over their heads as long as they continue to make the payments on the generous new 100 year mortgages that bankers in their infinite beneficence have structured for your family’s financial security. This all in consideration of your future motivation to work hard to guarantee your continued employment, at the end of which, upon your early retirement at 95 you will be converted to pill form and fed to younger party members so that they may continue the noble dream.


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